Taylor-Leigh
Solitude. Living with less, and the art of being bored.
More.
Have you ever noticed that human beings are increasingly filling up more and more? As in, filling up empty spaces with things to have, filling up time with things to do, filling our minds with things to consume? With this overflow of consumption, you would think that we would be more satisfied than ever. But if that were the case then we wouldn’t be constantly wanting to do more, have more, and be more. Of course, having the desire to evolve and become better than we were yesterday is a natural part of being human, but have we reached a point where it has gone too far? How much is “enough?”
All around us in neighborhoods and highways I see trees being demolished, more houses being constructed and storage facilities being added. With each job promotion I see a bigger house, more debt, and more stuff to fit in all the empty spaces in rooms that probably go barely touched.
Nice Things.
I understand that some people simply like to have nice things, ya know, spend some of their hard earned money. But does each item have intention behind it? Or is each item purchased simply because it can be? How far do we have to go? Are we uncomfortable with empty space, or are we trying to fulfill ourselves more and more with material possessions, always reaching for the latest and greatest thing to give us that temporary satisfaction?
It’s almost as if we fear taking up space with the presence of our Self, and instead take up space with our stuff.
For contrast, let’s look at the flip side.
The Essentials.
Take my partner & I’s house, for example. We have lived in it for 2 years. We have everything we need: shelter, food, water. The essentials. We also have things we want (some may even consider these luxuries): TV, couch, table, rug, etc. The nonessentials. But what we don’t have is junk, or anything that does not add value to our lives. If we sense things we don’t use starting to accumulate, we re-evaluate and part with those possessions. In both of our opinions, we have more than enough.
When some of our friends or family members walk into the house, their reactions are similar, with comments emerging such as “so you’re not finished unpacking?” or “don’t worry you’ll fill it up in no time” or much to my personal amusement, a simple eyebrow raising “oh!”
What the guests see is empty space to be filled with more stuff – blank walls to be filled with pictures, closets to be filled with more clothes, floor space to be filled with small tables to house trinkets that should also be acquired. Ya know, stuff to make the space look nice.
But what my partner and I see is different. We see empty space to be filled with dancing, closets to make picking an outfit so much easier without rummaging around through unworn or unwanted clothing. Everything in the house has been intentionally chosen to be there, and instead of focusing on the stuff that is or isn’t there, we choose to focus more on experiences, connection, and genuine fulfillment. And if things were to be lost in a fire, or we wanted to pack up and move? We would be okay. More than okay.
From emptiness in our living space to emptiness in our minds.
It’s been said that the outer world is a reflection of our inner world. So if we are constantly searching for more in the physical reality, think about what that says about our internal state. Perhaps not having enough equates to not believing we are enough, just as we are.
When was the last time you had nothing to do?
Wait, scratch that. I am in the U.S.A. In our over productive society, there is always something to do. But think about if you’re waiting for an appointment or sitting down for the first time after a long day of work. What do you do? Do you sit and observe your thoughts and surroundings? Clear your mind by thinking about nothing? Or do you reach for….dare I say…your phone?
The Technology Link.
It is no secret that whether you’re scrolling through the news, emails, or social media, smart phones are addicting, and have a huge impact on mental health. In fact, our younger generations of growing people don’t know a life without smartphones. Is this why the level of anxiety in our youth is the highest it’s ever been, and growing? Experts say the two are definitely linked.
Boredom.
I think about what I did in my youth when I was “bored.” And I put bored in quotations because I’m not sure I ever was – I always found something to entertain myself. Most of the free time of myself and my peers was spent dancing, crafting, and playing anything and everything outside. What happens nowadays when boredom hits? Reaching for a phone.
This is not to say that the old days were better, or that being on technology is bad. Moreso, I aim to bring awareness to our habits and behaviors. Are they adding value or subtracting value, energy, or time? Do we depart from our devices feeling energized and refreshed? Or feeling drained and less-than?
Cal Newport, author of Deep Work & Digital Minimalism, among other books, talks about how being bored is a dying art form. Being bored shows resilience, creativity, and solitude. There’s nothing wrong with spending time with you and your thoughts, and in fact this sense of solitude is very important for us to be able to be present and develop a sense of our own individual self.
Being Present.
Unless you spend your time on the media developing your own content, absorbing everyone else’s content leaves us overwhelmed with other people’s views. Of course, developments in technology continue to do wondrous things for humanity, connecting us in ways never thought possible, but each minute spent scrolling the internet takes away a minute that could be spent with our presence in the real world.
Do we fear the exploration of the space inside ourselves, or are we simply so addicted to our phones and having things to do? I think it’s a little of both. But it’s not only fearing solitude, but fearing real world connections with others. Next time you are out at a cafe, on public transportation, at a social gathering, notice your surroundings. If there’s a lull in the conversation, or someone sits down on the bus, what do they do? Take out their phone. Using it for emergencies is one thing, but avoiding conversation or present moment awareness? That’s where it’s gone too far.
Just as choosing with intention can be applied to our external possessions and spaces, it can also apply to our actions, interactions, and awareness. While it may be uncomfortable at first, cleaning out our inner and outer worlds has the potential to bring more clarity and satisfaction than any amount of consumption could bring.
What are some ways you get true, genuine fulfillment?
Here are some of mine:
- Social dancing
- Cooking a nourishing meal
- Reading a book
- Sharing conversation
- Having a picnic
- Exercising outside
- Cuddling
- Meditation
May you go forth with intention and gratitude of all things internal and external.
