Taylor-LeighOften times when I hear about caregiving (especially as a millennial), or talk about it myself, the challenging aspects are brought up. At the forefront are words like burnout, resentment, and guilt. Caregiving is without a doubt, a lot of hard work. But I find it important to my mental state and to the value of both my life and my loved one’s life, to think about what I am grateful for during this season of caregiving. The more I concentrate on these things, the more I find to be thankful for.
In fact, I went from a solid two weeks of feeling awful about my life with a miserable loved one, to being appreciative the next week. My grandmother (whom I care for) has even been offering to do things for ME! They are small, manageable tasks like comb my hair and help me clean her bed table, but they still make me feel magical. Why? Because I’m changing my mindset and actively looking for the gifts, so much so that it becomes habitual.
Here are some immediate ones that come to mind-
Everyday Gratitude as a Caregiver:
- Spending time with my loved one that I otherwise would not have gotten.
I remember as a kid I always wanted to live with my grandmother. I never imagined me being her caregiver, but I did get my wish. If she were in a nursing home, I wouldn’t get to spend this much time with her. - Appreciating the simpler things in life.
As a caregiver for a bedbound loved one, we don’t get to travel around town at the drop of a hat. All of this low key time allows me to appreciate the simple things, like watching the rain, the comfort of fresh sheets, phone calls with loved ones, and a good day full of smiles. - Appreciating my health and abilities, and being inspired to keep it up as optimally as possible in all areas – mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Waking up and being able to walk, talk, and feed myself with ease is always a good day. But even beyond being thankful for my health, I get to take care of myself for the long-term future, not just today. That way, I can take preventative measures so that hopefully, I won’t require as much care myself when I’m older.
- Not having a traditional job.
Let me be clear: caregiving is way more than a full time job. It’s also difficult to separate work and life, because it is one in the same. But it does have its perks about getting to wear loungewear and not leave the house if I don’t want to. - Gaining new/ different experience.
I may not be working in my field of expertise, but I’m gaining valuable life experience. This one was hard for me to see at first. Thanks to our social worker, she pointed out that a lot of people, especially young ones, don’t have this experience, and that I have lots of value to add to the world not only now, but whenever my season of caregiving ends. - Healing relationships.
In particular, my relationship with my mom. We put our past aside and come together as co-caregivers with a mutual respect and understanding. It’s not always perfect, but it is healing. - My loved one’s home health team.
They come to the house. They listen. They understand. They offer everything they can. This is quite different from my personal experiences in the health care system where I feel like just another body as if I’m a machine, and not a human. - The fact that I can write this while my loved one naps!
My schedule may be at the liberty of my loved one, but I do get to have creative expression, like writing this, which is important to me! - The opportunity to create a routine.
The routine can vary for my loved one, but I get to create one for myself alongside hers. In fact, it’s very important that I have a self-care and mental health routine. Contrast this to a typical job where I can roll out of bed, go work, and come home. Although I will say that you may be an a-hole if you don’t take care of yourself and demolish everyone who crosses your path. Caregiving has an especially emotional and physical attachment to it. - Reflection time!
The pandemic in itself brought up and out a lot of inner work within us all. This season of caregiving has been bringing up my relationship with myself, the person I want to be now, and who I want to be moving forward.
Bottom line is that it’s helped me realize that my life does not start when my caregiving ends. In fact, I don’t even know when that will be. My life is happening now, and it’s time to make the most of it, in whatever simple-scale capacity that means.
I’m Taylor-Leigh, a millennial, at-home family caregiver. I like to dance, write, be creative, and be outside.