Taylor-Leigh
Relieved, patient, and hopeful.
That’s how I feel wrapping up week one of my intuitive eating journey.
Intuitive eating is something I thought I was already doing, but after starting to learn from experts Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch, registered dieticians and authors of the book, Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach, I have begun to realize how the fearful & fatphobic diet culture has affected me.
To be clear, these weekly posts are not for education purposes, but rather to share my journey & the growth that comes with it. If you are interested in learning more about intuitive eating, definitely check out the book and the various other credible resources that are out there!
How did I get into Intuitive Eating?
Funny story. I actually kicked off my intuitive eating journey with the idea to get back into bodybuilding. Yep. The thing where your body is critiqued on stage after weeks and months of extreme exercise and dieting. You see, I had done a few competitions a few years ago, and I was liking the way my body had been shaping up due to regular exercise and consistent diet more recently. In fact it’s no coincidence that I was about to start another regimen. Going on diets is a common way people add order and certainty to their lives in times of stress and uncertainty, which is exactly where I am currently.
But the same day I thought I was going to start eating clean and lifting heavy, was the same day I came across intuitive eating on YouTube.
In a matter of days I had listened to every talk and interview I could find with Evelyn Tribole, MS, RDN, CEDRD-S. I was extremely intrigued and shamelessly triggered. Because I’m in the middle of about three books at the moment, I’m holding off reading the book for now, but I got the official The Intuitive Eating Workbook to jumpstart my journey right away. I opened the book expecting a food journal type situation. But what I have come across is a deep dive into cultivating self-compassion and developing an attuned relationship with your body – a much more grounding, healing, and fulfilling approach to shedding the diet culture.
I will say that most of my “diet history” has been focused on achieving optimum health – to be the healthiest, fittest, most energized version of myself for the long run. I have done a great deal of research on what food groups allow us to live long & prosperous lives, and have experimented greatly on myself. For the most part I know what foods fuel my body the best. But that is not to say that I have not been affected by diet culture. I truly believe everyone in modern society has been affected by diet culture, especially in such a privileged western culture such as the United States where our power of choice ends up being our demise. My interest in “healthy” food has led to disordered eating, orthorexia, restriction, purging, and of course over indulgence. Although my ultimate quest has been to be “healthy,” what I have not prioritized or even realized, have been the conflicting feelings of anxiety, guilt, and fear that my food and eating choices have had on me. Knowing that health is not just diet but our entire mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, the stress I was putting on myself was certainly not “good” for my health, behaviors, or relationships.
What is intuitive eating?
For those of you who are wondering what intuitive eating actually is, it is defined by the authors as “a flexible style of eating in which you largely follow your internal sensations of hunger and satiety to gauge when to eat, what to eat, and when to stop eating,” AKA “relearning instincts we once knew.” Basically, cultural messages tend to sway us to diet and look a certain way, bringing us away from the natural instincts of our bodies and into our minds, our calculators, and our scales. It is often a huge misunderstanding that intuitive eating means to eat all the junk food you desire. If you need to do that for a few days to get it out of your system to make it less of a temptation, then that is most certainly encouraged.
As I said before, I desire to eat mostly whole foods because I know the positive effects on our long-term health. But I also can’t lie that I desire a decadent peanut butter cup or pizza for breakfast from time to time. We are long past the days of foraging for food like our primate counterparts and eating to the point of satisfaction. The most readily available food now is heavily processed and void of nutrients. If McDonalds grew on trees it certainly would not have the same effect as picking apples and peaches. Of course, culture is unavoidable and a beautiful aspect of being human, so I personally like to balance eating in accordance with nature, while still indulging in modern day culinary creations that satisfy my soul instead of leaving me feeling deprived. This allowance has been a breakthrough concept for my extremist “striving for optimization” self, and I will definitely talk more about fueling what’s best for me another time.
Becoming Aware
Aside from learning about what intuitive eating is about, week one has also largely been about awareness. Mindful eating habits are so important to recognize the hunger and satiety cues coming from our bodies.
Some people eat intuitively naturally, of which I am partly jealous, partly dumbfounded as to how that can happen in western culture. But for someone like me, with a background of dance (hello mirrors, tight clothes, and the slender white European body on a pedestal), fitness/bodybuilding, familial patterns, and stored trauma, listening to my body instead of my mind and the comments of other people is not such a natural, or easy feat. Because The Intuitive Eating Workbook is centered around doing the inner work, I knew immediately it would be a perfect complement to the work I am doing with my mental health counselor, who has a very body-based approach of getting out of my head and into my body.
Here are some aspects of eating I have been becoming aware of during this first week of learning (& unlearning):
How does the speed at which I eat affect my cues of fullness?
Am I eating out of boredom, stress, or because there is food in the house or in front of me?
I noticed every time I passed through the kitchen I would take another bite of a little something just to taste it – Could I have actually been hungry enough to sit down and have a meal? Am I actually thirsty or dehydrated? Would I still want those two crackers if they were on a plate and I was sitting down?
How does the food taste and feel in my mouth, on my tongue and teeth?
What is my brain telling myself about what I can and cannot have?
Honestly, the thoughts go on and on, but I am truly excited for my awareness of these habits and thoughts.
I feel relieved that I somehow can take the pressure off myself and take my power back that I’ve given to food over the years. I can direct my energy towards other things I love. I’m not stuck. And I have patience with myself for understanding that intuitive eating & undoing diet culture is an inside job, but one that will reap many rewards for my life to come. So even though I call this week one, I don’t have any stopping point in mind. My goal is simply to be what the dedication of the workbook says –
“May you have dignity, health, and happiness- regardless of your shape or size- and may you never doubt your inner wisdom.”
– Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch, Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach
Hiiiiiiii. I’m Taylor-Leigh, intuitive eating newb, long-time plant-based eater! I write about intentional living, movement, caregiving, and more. I’m excited to express more of my journey with you! xx